Small World

A few of us is headed to Anaheim Disneyland during Thanksgiving week as it is the Least Populated And Happiest Place on Earth Full Of Asians all this week. We are glad to report that the It’s a Small World Ride is still operational. It will be closed in January 2008 for retooling. Insert tool joke here. The problem, simply put, is that the flume the boats ride in was built in 1963 assuming average male adult riders weighed in at 175 lbs (women at 135), figures as outdated as Marilyn Monroe’s. Since ride monitors turn down potential riders based on a height (lower limit) threshold and not on a weight (upper limit) threshold, they need to leave empty seats to compensate for the fat fucks. Which routinely antagonizes several paying passengers lines up. Worse, when a boat bottoms out, a long line of boats backs up behind it with boat riders going slowly but surely mad from listening to the ride’s theme song until such time as the ride monitors find and tactfully help exit a rider or two through an emergency exit, not always dealt with graciously by aforementioned fat fucks. When the ride reopens, the flume will be an inch deeper and the boats more buoyant. Other rides in need of french fry retrofitting are Pinocchio, Alice in WOnderland and Pirates of the Caribbean. It is ironic that the first Anaheim attraction to succumb to weight problems is the Small World. They do not plan on changing the theme song, so I will still avoid it.