Round Up

Cinema
Good – Wallace and Gromit in the Curse of the Were Rabbit
Bad – Eros
Fugly – Footballers Wive$

Previews
The Fountain
Ice Age 2: Meltdown
V for Vendetta
Hard Candy
Miami Vice
A Scanner Darkly
The Libertine

Cellar
Red - Ciacci Pic Aragona Brunello
White – Livio Felluga Pinot Grigio DOC Colli Orientali del Friuli 1998
Sparkling – Veuve Ambal Cremant de Borbogne Carte de Coeur

Coffee Cocktails
Coin Diva
Combine 4 oz strong brewed hot coffee, 1 oz Godiva chocolate creme liqueur, 1 oz Godiva chocolate liqueur and 3/4 oz Cointreau in glass coffee mug. Enjoy

Cafe Gates
Combine 3 oz strong hot brewed coffee, 1 oz Tia Maria, 1 oz Grand Marnier, 1 oz dark Creme de Caco in coffee mug. Top with whipped creme. Thin straws.

Insured Travel

To get to Italy, travel insurance is mandatory. There are several types of such insurance -

• TRIP CANCELATION COVERAGE

•  
  • reimburses if you cant travel because of illness/death in immediate family (need doctor's note), bad weather, airline strike, terrorism, loss of pay (job) or filing bankruptcy, losing home to flood or fire or (gasp) jury duty
  • recommended for everyone who thinks the trip is of significant expense, or if you have pre-existing health conditions (check clauses)

• TRIP INTERRUPTION INSURANCE
  • if you have to cut your trip short from the above; otherwise same items apply

• TRAVEL DELAY INSURANCE
  • pays you back for hotel, food or clothing expenses incured from a late flight; some also provide for a connection to a cruise already in progress to the next port of call
  • recommended for anyone whos itinerary makes missing the start of a trip a possibility; don't make tight connections

• MEDICAL INSURANCE

•  
  • emergency medical and dental care whileo n vacation
  • recommended for travelers not covered with their own helath care policies while on a trip; check your policy and with the consulate of the overseas country to confirm

• BAGGAGE LOSS INSURANCE
  • covers loss or theft of luggae during the trip; each policy generally caps the amount it will pay per item and in total, with specific limits on jewelry and laptop computers
  • recommended for thoe withour homeowner's or renter's insurance, or who are not covered for lost or stolen baggae through your credit card company or airlines

• ACCIDENTAL DEATH INSURANCE

•  
  • compensates beneficiaries should you die on vacation
  • are you crazy? If you need life insurance, you should buy life insurance.

Other Name

I always buy roses before a party. They should last a week to ten (1) days after.

• Cut an inch off the stems under water when you get home or an air bubble will choke the xylem and phloem
• Use clean sharp knives or garden shears for a clean cut
• Use a floral preservative (commercial); I prefer dunking some Sprite or 7-Up for its combination of sugar and citrus. One packet preservative per half liter of water. Do not skimp. Packets are usually free from your florist. It is like soy sauce.
• Gently pinch off guard petals (on the outside). Follow any instructions that come with the flowers.
• Do not keep roses in sunlight, extreme temperatures or drafts.
• Stick a straight pin in its neck if it is bowing: eke out a day or more of beauty.

I buy my roses from Safeway (so I know they are from South America) , my house is always at 68 degrees, and I protect from sunlight. I get a good 10 days.

Dining Beijing

The menu at Beijing’s latest venue for its growing army of gourmets is eye-watering rather than mouth-watering. China’s cuisine is renowned for being “in your face” – from the skinned dogs displayed at food markets to the kebabbed scorpions sold on street stalls – and there is no polite way of describing Guo-li-zhuang. Situated in an elegantly restored house beside Beijing’s West Lake, it is China’s first speciality penis restaurant. Here, businessmen and government officials can sample the organs of yaks, donkeys, oxen and even seals. In fact, they have to, since they form part of every dish – except for those containing testicles. Of course, there are other restaurants that serve the bian of individual animals. But this is the first that brings them all together. Guolizhuang’s owner, who set it up in November, is proud to combine his own surname (Guo), his wife’s (Li) and his son’s nickname (Zhuang) into its title. A booking comes with a trained waitress and a nutritionist in attendance, to explain the menu and to boast its medicinal virtues. In China, you are what you eat, and the clients were mainly men eager to improve their yang, or virility. Women could benefit, too, but the testosterone might interfere in fertility. But many women say bian is good for the skin.

Some dishes appear unexceptional, such as the simple goat penis, sliced, dipped in flour, fried, and served skewered with soy sauce. But Guolizhuang also has its showpieces, such as the elegantly named “Head crowned with a Jade Bracelet” (provided by horses from the western Muslim region of Xin-jiang), for £20 a portion, or “Dragon in the Flame of Desire” (yak, steamed whole, fried and flambéed) for £35. For beginners, Miss Zhu recommended the hotpot, which offers a sampling of what the restaurant has to offer – six types of penis, and four of testicle, boiled in chicken stock by the waitress, Liu Yunyang, 22. The Russian dog was first. It was julienned, and rather gamey. The ox was, of all six, the most recognisable for what it was, even though it had been diced. In texture seemed identical to gristle. The deer and the Mongolian goat were surprisingly similar: a little stringy, they had the appearance and feel of overcooked squid tentacles. The Xinjiang horse and the donkey, on the other hand, were quite different. Though both came sliced lengthwise, and looked like bacon, the horse was light and fatty, while the donkey had a firm colour and taste. The testicles were slightly crumbly, and tasted better with lashings of the sesame, soy and chilli dips thoughtfully provided.

One speciality, Canadian seal penis, costs a hefty £220, and requires ordering in advance. Miss Liu confessed that Guo-li-zhuang was an unusual place to work, partly because of her training – she has to recite tales proving the vigour of the animals in question as they are being eaten – and partly because of the interaction with the clientele. As for the supposed health benefits, Mr Liu, the most regular customer, was uncertain but hopeful.

Tea Time

The next project/compulsion is the traditional tea room (cha-shitsu), designed simply and exclusively for taking tea and located within a home. Around the world, this would be a tea house or salon de the. Interestingly, cha is universally tea (in multiple Indian languages, spoken Mandarin and Farsi). Tea rooms in Japan and India are usually small wooden buildings located in remote, quiet areas or in the gardens or grounds of larger houses. Their design is heavily influenced by Zen Buddhist principles. A tea house is typically surrounded by a small garden often featuring a water pool with a waiting area for guests and a roji (dewy path) leading to the tea house. I am not breaking any walls. The tea house itself is usually built of wood (bamboo mainly) and the only entrance/exit is a small square door which symbolically separates the small simple quiet inside from the crowded overwhelming chaotic outside world, thus encouraging humility (you got to bow to get in) from the hosts and guests as you kneel to enter the room. Tea houses consist of two (2) rooms: one for the preparation of food, snacks and tea supplies, and another for holding the tea ceremony itself. The main room is extremely small, often 4.5 tatami mats, and with low ceilings. There is to be no furniture, except for what is required for the preparation of tea. There will usually be a charcoal pit (炉, ro) in the center of the room for boiling water for tea. This is a fire hazard. Guests and hosts sit seiza style on the floor. There is to be little decoration. There will be a tokonoma (scroll alcove) holding a scroll of calligraphy and perhaps a simple small flower arrangement, the cha-bana. All materials are purposefully simple and rustic. All doors and windows are traditionally Japanese shoji (thin strips of balsa wood covered in translucent rice paper permitting outside light entry. The floor is built a few feet above the ground to keep the room dry.

Tea houses were first introduced in the Sengoku period when the central government had nearly no practical power, the country was in chaos and wars/uprisings were commonplace. Seeking to reclaim Japan, the samurai were busy acquiring and defending territories, promoting trade and overseeing the output of farms, mills and mines. The poor sought the salvation of Buddhism. I am reinventing the tea room because I simply love to take tea with friends.

Week in Cognac

Cognac facts

• Cognac is double distilled brandy from wine in copper alambic pot stills. The distillation is in the Cognac region in western France just north of Bordeaux. That from Germain-Robin grapes in Ukiah, California, is just brandy. So faux pas to call them cognac.
• Ugni Blanc (called Trebbiano in Italy) is the main grape used in cognac for its high yield, hardiness and natural acidity. It is France’s most planted white grape varietal. The four preimary designated districts for growth are Grande and Petite Champagne, Borderies and Fins Bois.
• Grapes are fermented into wine and then wine distilled into eau de vie (water of life) which is then barrel aged to cognac. Cognac, per law, should be aked in French oak cooperage for at least 2.5 years but most age longer. It does not develop until at least the age of five and character needs at least a decade. Exceptional Cognacs are allowed to mature as long as 60 years. To halt the aging, they are transferred from barrels to glass demijohns (unlike wine, brandy will not improve with age in bottles) which are sequestered in dark musty recesses of ancient cellars for blending with other cognacs of variable age.
• Classification is by the age of its youngest component eau de vie

• VS (Very Special) has a minimum age of 2.5 years
• VSOP (Very Superior Old Pale): 4.5 years
• XO (Extra Old): 6.5 years, a category created in 1870 by Hennessy for the family’s private blend

• Hennessy Paradis Extra $250
• House of Hine Triomphe $345
• Martell Cordon Bleu $180
• Hennessy XO ($110)
• Landy VS ($25)
• Meukow 90 VS Vanilla Cognac ($37)

Tasting tips

• Avoid heating snifter over flame. It releases alcohol that masks the flavor
• Warm snifter by cupping in your hands. Plural.
• Open mouth slightly when inhaling. Do not snore
• Swirling in snifter aerates it and releases more aroma. Swirl gently.
• Fill only the bottom 20% of the snifter.
• Use distiller’s glass for best tasting. Round bulbous bottom narrows into concentrating chimney.
• Tip snifter to watch for the legs of the spirit (thin film adhering to the side) – longer the legs, the older the cognac.
• Most VS and VSOP designations have color added (younger) but no color needed for XO or older
• Very old cognacs are susceptible to air and light. Recork ASAP to prevent evaporation and oxidation.
• Some Russians drink Remy martin Louis XIII with bourbon. Sweet

American Life

A block near ABC News world HQ in New York has been renamed after the anchor of “World News Tonight” who dies of lung cancer last August. This is a part of 66th between Columbus Ave and Central Park. Jennings was Canadian and his well wishers hoped it would remind journalists and passers-by of his life and legacy. I just call it the smoking section.

Hello Dahlia

It is time to plant some bulbs this coming weekend. The dahlia is the national flower of Mexico as the mountains of Mexico and Guatemala are the origin of its ancestors. 16th century Spanish conquistadors’ accompanying botanists discovered the tree dahlia (D. imperialis, or acoct). The flowers of this specied were open-centered single blooms with pendant stems. The hollow stems, up to over 20 feet, were used for hauling water or an actual source of water to traveling hunters.

Two hundred (200) years passed before dahlia seeds, roots and plants got to Europe where they were dispersed from the Real Jardin Botanico in Madrid. Initial breeders were more interested in the tuber as a food source as the blooms were boring. From 1810 to 1840, dahlias were popular for their globular shape. As with many other breeding projects, interest soon waned. In 1872, a box of roots was sent from Mexico to Holland. Devastatingly, only one tuber made the crossing but produced a brilliant red bloom with petals that were rolled back and pointed. Immediately, they became popular (D. juarezi).

The American Dahlia Society categorizes dahlias into groups based on size, form and color. The ideal garden dahlia blooms early, maintains its vigor for the season and provides an array of bloom from first bloom until frost. They branch freely. Some popular varieties are Santa Claus, Bert Pitt and Fire Mountain. Dahlias suitable as cut flowers should be vigorous, basally branching and produce many harvestable stems with few side shoots. Good vase life is of utmost importance: a long stem and an ability to be transported without significant bruising. Color is more improtant than anything else. The popular ones are Karma Bon Bini, Karma Lagoon, Karma Amanda, Ferncliff Cooper and Arabian Night. Border/container dahlias appear in the exhibition circuit and are the draw for the general public. They are 12-20 inches high and require very little support. Common ones are Tout a toi and Claudette,

Hotels 2006

Ranking of the best hotels, value for money.

Personal recommendations:

Napa:

• Auberge du Soleil: romantic, dining
• Meadowood Napa Valley: croquet players must wear white
• Villagio Inn and Spa: south facing rooms only

City:

• Four Seasons: book above 10th floor only
• Mandarin Oriental: Asian tea service in bento box; get bridge to bridge room
• Ritz-Carlton: made to order sushi in lounge

Chicago

• Four Seasons: Seasons lunch menu!
• Park Hyatt: Eames chairs in room, get east facing grand deluxe room
• Peninsula Chicago: green te abody treatment on rooftop spa; book northeast room
• Ritz-Carlton: book deluxe southeast side room; skylit pool is heated
• Sofitel Water Tower: rooms above 20th floor ending in -01 have great bathrooms

Vegas

• Ritz Carlton Lake Las Vegas: desert stargazing sessions included
• Bellagio: fried mac & cheese at Fix restaurant; dancing fountains
• Four Seasons: Strip views; Verandah lounge
• Venetian: Bouchon; Venezia towers have private concierge and evening cocktails

New York City

• The Carlyle: evening cabaret; central park view (book room 2101)
• Four Seasons: south facing deluxes on 29th floor get natural light
• The Lowell: book large Lowell King (nice bathrooms)
• Mandarin Oriental: 24/7 Thomas Pink room service; Hudson facing rooms
• The Michelangelo: complimentary limo service to the Street in the morning
• New York Palace: Palace high tea in the Villard Bar and Lounge
• Peninsula New York: Grand Luxe room overlooking Fifth; glass enclosed pool
• The Pierre: parkview rooms on the 39th floor
• Ritz-Carlton Battery Park: Harbor view rooms; 14th floor Rise bar
• Ritz-Carlton Central Park: free in-town transport in the hotel Maybach (woo-hoo!)
• St. Regis: custom facial in Remede spa; book deluxe room ending in -28
• Waldorf Towers at Waldorf Astoria: book east facing room for terrace; Peacock’s Alley

Londontown

• Claridge’s: Bond Street
• The Connaught: Mayfair. Book front rooms overlooking Carlos Place
• The Conrad: edible martinis at Aquasia; book RiverSuites to see the London Eye
• The Dorchester: China Tang restaurant; book park view rooms (smaller)
• Dukes: rooms ending in -04 overlook the entrance
• Four Seasons Hotel: Victoria Lanes bar; book room 706, 910 or 927 to see Big Ben
• Four Seasons Hotel, Canary Wharf: Deluxe rooms overlook Thames
• The Goring: Garden Views with monster beds; lunhc in private garden
• The Lanesborough: 1st and 2nd floor rooms have highest ceilings
• The Ritz: Champagne tea; 424-427 & 524-527 are large; 522 & 622 over Green Park
• The Stafford: Carriage House; hotel’s private cellar tastings

Amalfi Coast

• Hotel Santa Caterina: lemon massage; superior rooms (21-24)
• Il San Pietro: on site chapel; deluxes are larger (little bit)
• Le Sirenuse: all deluxes have sea views
• Palazzo Sasso: king doubles on 1st -3rd floor; Rosellini’s restaurant

Capri

• Capri Palace Hotel and Spa: anti aging spa treatments (sure); pool facing on third floor
• Grand Hotel Quisisana: cliff walk to Tragara
• La Scalinatella: poolside lunch; 25 junior suites

Florence

• Grand Hotel Villa Medici: aperitifs at Jockey Bar; 5th floor penthouse or 1st floor doubles
• Hotel Continentale: 302, 402, 502 and 602 overlook Arno and Ponte Vecchio
• Hotel Savoy: 5th f loor executive rooms; Signoria and Brunelleschi suites; Incontro Bar
• Westin Excelsior: doubles on 5th floor overlook rvier

Roma

• Hotel Hassler: Sunday brunch; 4th and 7th floors redone recently
• Hotel de Russie: 425 has its own garden; 529 has the same view but larger; afternoon tea
• St Regis Grand Hotel: Superior rooms have balconies’ private Di Vino wine cellar tastings
• Westin Excelsior: deluxes have view of Via Veneto; H cocktail at H Club Doney

Cambodia

• Raffles Hotel Le Royal (Phnom Penh): cocktails in colonial Elephant Bar (not in Concord)
• Raffles Grand Hotel d’Angkor (Siem Reap): four poster beds; Le Grand restaurant
• Sofitel Royal Angkor Resort (Siem Reap): ground floor room terraces lead to pool

Beijing

• Grand Hyatt: rooms ending in -08 on floors 16-18 overlook Forbidden City
• Peninsula Palace: club level rooms have more perks; cuisine school!
• St Regis: east facing rooms overlook diplomatic gardens

Hong Kong

• The Conrad: above the 50th floor
• The InterContinental: Harborview rooms; hot tub on outdoor pool deck
• Island Shangri-La: Petrus restaurant; ending in -01 through -016 on floors 48-55
• JW Marriott Hotel: higher floors overlook harbor; 7th floor outdoor pool
• Kowloon Shangri-La: Horizon Club rooms; Teppanyaki at Nadaman restaurant
• Peninsula Hong Kong: ending in -11 and -12 ar eplush yet affordable
• Ritz-Carlton: Peak View rooms overlook Victoria Peak and the harbor

Shanghai

• Four Seasons: 37th floor jazz bar
• Grand Hyatt: Bund View rooms look across the river; Chinese Fast food at Food Live
• Portman Ritz-CarltonPudong Shangri-La: south facing rooms on 8th floor and above
• St. Regis: rooms overlooking Puxi across river; Danieli’s

India

• Oberoi Amarvilas (Agra): higher floor Deluxes have terraces
• Oberoi Rajvilas (Jaipur): luxury tents have teak floors and embroidered canopies
• Rambagh Palace (Jaipur): doubles in Garden Wing have good light
• Taj Mahal Palace and Tower (Bombay): Taj yacht takes you to Elephanta Caves
• Taj Mahal Hotel (Delhi): Taj Club rooms have personal butler; Tejas Spa massages
• Taj Palace (Delhi): Masala Art restaurant; deluxe room has good city views
• Taj Lake Palace (Udaipur): Jive Spa; Luxury rooms have claw-footed tub

Bali

• Amandari: Valley suites have outdoor sunken rubs; Balinese dance lessons (yep)
• Amankila: Pool Suite with private stone walled plunge pool. I can die now
• Four Seasons Resort at Jimbaran Bay: villas 101-109 are closest to the beach
• Four Seasons Resort at Sayan: elevated riverfront villas are serene; sunset yoga class
• Grand Hyatt Resort: ground floor rooms open to the garden
• Ritz-Carlton Bali Resort and Spa: club rooms have nice perks; Martini Club

Singapore

• Conrad Centennial: ending in -01 overlook Fountain of Wealth
• Four Seasons Hotel: Corner PReimer rooms overlook Orchard Road
• Grand Hyatt: grand wing rooms have garden views
• Meritus Mandarin: upgrade to Premier room
• Raffles Hotel: afternoon tea; book room away from the shopping arcade
• Raffles The Plaza: raindrop showers in Raffles Inc rooms
• Ritz-Carlton Millenia: Premier suites overlook Marina Bay; great art collection

Bangkok

• Four Seasons Hotel: private cabana rooms with gardens and skylit bathrooms
• Grand Hyatt Erawan: Grands on higher floors for views
• Oriental Bangkok: split level garden rooms in the Old Wing
• Peninsula Bangkok: ending in -08 and -12 overlook Buddhist temples; private canal tours
• Royal Orchid Sheraton Hotel and Towers: Tower Deluxe rooms for access to lounge
• Shangri-La Hotel: ending in -25 have balconies and river views
• Sheraton Grande Sukhumvit: back facing rooms have great views
• Sukhothai: Large Garden Suites have lily pond views; Zuk bar

Blog Anniversary

I wonder how many bloggers it takes to change a light bulb.

• 1 to change the light bulb and then live blog post that the light bulb has been changed
• 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and posit how the light bulb could have been, in fact, changed differently.
• 7 to caution the dangers inherent to the act/event of Changing A Light Bulb
• 27 to point out spelling, grammar and syntax errors in posts about Changing Light Bulbs
• 41 to correct speling/grammer flames
• 6 to argue where it is “lightbulb” or “Light Bulb”
• an additional 6 to condemn the aforementioned 6 as anal-retentive
• 2 industry professional to inform the blog readership that the proper term is “Lamp”
• 27 to post Guest Comments with URL’s where one can see examples of different Lamps
• 12 to post to the blog that they will no onger post to the blog because they simply cannot handle the Lamp/Light Bulb controversy
• 4 to suggest that these posters should perhaps request the Lamp FAQ
• 44 immediate postings asking “What is an FAQ” or iterations thereof
• 2 to post reasons why the Lamp burning out is probably the result of a government conspiracy or Footballers’ Wive$
• 4 to say “Didn’t we cover this a few posts ago?”
• 43 to calmly nudge “Do a Google search on “Light Bulbs”, you moron.”
• 5 to say “Thx”
• 1 lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now. Lather, rinse and repeat. I thought he was dead already. Now I can catch up with him and we can take tea together. At last.

Happy One-Year Anniversay, SBlog!

Global Dominance

Our imperial leaders (and I do not mean the purveyors of fine goods like Coca-Cola, the super sized Happy Meal and WalMart) have the shared goal of spreading the American moral code across the seas in bits and bytes. A group posits that there exists a covert coven of people with the shared objective of asserting our military power abroad. Most are defense industry contractors.

Spy Aware

Technology is brilliant as long as it is on your side. I have sustained an informational collapse of enormous magnitude arising from malicious spyware that made it into the workstation. Spyware is software that can display advertisements (such as pop up ads), collect information about you, or change settings on your computer, generally without appropriately obtaining your consent.

You might have some form of spyware on your computer if:

• you notice new toolbars, links or favorites that you did not wnat or place in your web browser
• your default home page, mouse pointer, or search program changes
• you type the address for a specific web site (e.g., a search engine you favor), but are taken to another web site without notice
• you see a lot of pop-up ads, even if you are not on the internet
• your computer suddenly performs slowly or seems unstable.

Some spyware might not have any symptoms at all. Its purpose is to collect information from you and your computer. Installing an antispyware program can help scan your computer to find and remove spyware. Spyware is most commonly installed through free software, such as file sharing programs, screen savers, or search toolbars. Some spyware can be installed from a web site directly. You can minimize the threat using high securitys settings. Some spyware is installed through pop-up windows of free software that requires you to accept a downloadable file.

Week in Wine

NAPA VALLEY CHARDONNAY

2004 Chappellet Napa Valley Chardonnay ($28)
2004 Cosentino Napa Valley Chardonnay ($28)
2004 Flora Springs Barrel Fermented Napa Valley Chardonnay ($25)
2004 Hagafen Oak Knoll District Napa Valley Chardonnay ($18)
2003 Hendry Blocks 9 & 21 Napa Valley Chardonnay ($25)
2004 The Hess Collection Napa Valley Chardonnay ($18)
2004 Merryvale Starmont Napa Valley Chardonnay ($20)
2004 Napa Valley Vineyards Reserve Napa Valley Chardonnay ($15)
2003 Rutherford Hill Napa Valley Chardonnay ($20)
2004 Screw Kappa Napa Napa Valley Chardonnay ($13)

FRENCH VALUE WINES
Whites
2003 Andre et Michel Quenard Les Abymes Vin de Savoie ($10)
2004 Chateau Ducasse Bordeaux (white) ($12)

Reds
2001 Chateau de Perron Madiran ($11.25)
2003 Chateau Saint Martin de la Garrigue Cuvee Tradition Coteaux du Languedoc ($9.25)
2003 Clos La Coutale Cahors ($12)
2004 Cuvee Selectionee par Kermit Lynch Cotes du Rhone ($11.25)
2004 Cuvee Selectionee par Kermit Lynch Vin de Table du Vaucluse ($9)
2003 Domaine D'Aupilhac Lou Maset Coteaux du Languedoc ($12)
2003 Domaine de Fontsainte Corbieres ($10)
2004 Marenco Pirona Piemonte Barbera ($10)

Riding Shotgun

Shotgun Pellet Causes Cardiac Event In Victim
Sometimes this thing writes itself.

Bullet injuries are most severe in friable solid organs like the liver and brain where damage may be caused by temporary cavitation remote from the actual bullet track. Dense (like bone) and loose (like fat) tissues are more resistant to bullet injury. Shotgun injuries differ substantially from rifle and handgun wounds as they contain multiple metal pellets (shot) and do not have rifled barrels (pellets do not spin). The size of shotgun cartridges is not measured in caliber but in gauge. A higher gauge means a smaller diameter. Shots spread apart after leaving the barrel of the gun and their velocity rapidly decreases. As they spread with increasing range, their area of distribution increases and the energy per pellet decreases thus they have far greater wounding potential (than bullets). The combined mass of multiple pellets spread over a small area can produce massive destruction of soft tissue and bone. In addition most of the combustion gases enter the victim. Large pellets are known as buckshot and smaller ones are called birdshot. Most injuries encountered in clinical practice involve birdshot.

Valentine Wines

Sparkling wine
NV Korbel California Brut Rosé ($11)
NV Lorikeet South Eastern Australia Sparkling Shiraz ($10)
2004 Michele Chiarlo Nivole Moscato d'Asti ($9 for 375 ml)
NV Pommery Pink POP Champagne Rosé ($12 for 187 ml)
NV Segura Viudas Aria Pinot Noir Cava Brut ($12)

Whites
2004 Oroya Tierra de Castilla ($8)
2005 Yelcho Reserva Casablanca Valley Sauvignon Blanc ($9)

Reds
NV Barefoot Cellars California Cabernet Sauvignon ($6)
2004 Five Rivers Santa Barbara County Pinot Noir ($12)
2003 Vina Chocalan Maipo Valley Carmenere ($12)

So what should singletons be doing to get over themselves today?

1. Find a charity online and donate what you would have spent on your overcharged dinner and roses, and send random roses to the closest hospital's chemo ward or retirement home. They need flowers more than you.
2. Grab a few single friends (male and female) and head to the local establishment with loads of couples fining and dancing. There will be fighting, kissing, and proposing. And order dessert.
3. When you're at work and nobody is sending you a single thing, and that twit is getting bouquet after bouquet all before 1130 (official deadline for receptionists to compare whose bouquet was largest), well, then you're really on your own, aren't you?
4. Avoid calling any old flames and one night stands. They're probably booked solid for the night. Avoid the bars, WalMart and other depressing places. But go to Target: all the dateless ones are there.
5. Stay away from chat rooms: the only thing you'll "connect with" is your internet service provider. Instead, make yourself a healthy meal and spend the rest of the time thinking up something fabulous you would have otherwise done. Because you know they're going to ask you at work tomorrow and you don't want to be the pathetic one. That would be the one who got the biggest bouquet and then had her sorry ass dumped. Cheers, Hallmark.

Google Map

A veteran Googler, I find Google Map incredibly helpful. And amusing too.

We are still having a wet winter but at least it is not snowing.

American Life

Two Christian parents claim their son was a victim of gay indoctrination at the prestigious Governor’s School of North Carolina. The School is a program for intellectually gifted high school students, integrating academic disciplines, the arts, and unique courses. After their son attended a seminar called “The New Gay Teenager”, he began telling Beverly and Jim Burrows that he was unsure of his sexual orientation. He had obviously contracted homosexuality at said seminar as Mr. Burrows noticed a big difference in his “otherwise normal son” upon return from the school. The concerned parents feel the need to warn other parents about this indoctrination because, as everyone knows, homosexuality is infectious. If they can keep just one other family from having to go through all of this, then all of this trouble would hav been worthwhile. Otherwise, the terrorists have already won.

Turin/Torino

This is really bothering me. The Winter Olympics are being held in Turin, Italy. NBC (and its affiliates who scored exclusive televising rights) insist on calling it Torino. Some people are getting needlessly confused because outside of NBC employees and if you are reading this in Italy (ciao V!), it’s not Torino. When NBC first went on its Torino rampage, many thought the location had been somehow changed even though we vaguely recalled they had been awarded to Turin. How can you enjoy a good Nordic Combined if you don’t know where they are combining from? Should we rename Katie Courico for the next three (3) weeks? Pending the next shipment of illegal aliens, most of us still speak American. Let’s reality check: most do not speak English around here, something I rapidly realized when I first barked out an order for STAT Aminophylline. We never heard of the Roma Games in 1960 or the movie Muenchen by Spielberg last year. While some papers are going with Torino as the dateline, the Associated Press is sticking with Turin (though it prefers Mumbai to Bombay). Should we call it Turino or maybe just Toledo. That rolls off the tongue easier. Surely Torino sounds sexier and will reel in more viewers? And the people of Torino (Torinosi?) call it Torino. Sidebar: the people of Livermore get called Livermorons by others. Is the Today show “Lo Spettacolo del Giorno”? Why doesn’t NBC go all out. Fattore Pavra. Legg E Ordine, SVU. Il Mio Nome E’Earl. As long as it’s not the Shroud Del Torino, I am okay with this. Ciao (Maria) bello.

Charged Particle

I did not know how much power seemingly inert electronic chargers suck up. This has significant impact on our energy usage in California as it is estimated that each household has approximately five (5) of these in action at all times.

Week in Wine

Barossa Valley Shiraz
2004 Archetype Vineyards Old Vine Reserve Barossa Valley Shiraz ($35)
2002 Barossa Valley Estate Ebenezer Barossa Valley Shiraz ($35)
2004 Charles Cimicky Trumps Barossa Valley Shiraz ($16)
2004 Earthworks Barossa Valley Shiraz ($15)
2003 Grant Burge Miamba Barossa Shiraz ($19)
2003 Grant Burge Filsell Barossa Shiraz ($30)
2004 Kaesler Stonehorse Barossa Valley Shiraz ($28)
2004 Nine Stones Barossa Shiraz ($12)
2003 Peter Lehmann Barossa Shiraz ($16)
2004 Piping Shrike Barossa Shiraz ($15)
2003 St. Hallett Faith Barossa Shiraz ($21)
2004 Torbreck Woodcutter's Barossa Valley Shiraz ($20)
2002 Wolf Blass Gold Label Barossa Shiraz ($25)

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Barossa Valley Shiraz-Viognier
2003 Yalumba Barossa 95% Shiraz & 5% Viognier ($17)

Noir History

October in England and February in the US are Black History months, celebrated since 1926. Dr. Carter G Woodson wanted “the world to see the Negro as a participant than as a lay figure in history” and organized the first Negro History Week in the second week of February in 1926 to coincide with the birthdays of Frederick Douglass and Abraham Lincoln. This has expanded into a four week long celebration. Most of the earliest black immigrants to America were natives of Spain and Portugal. Pedro Alonso Nino was a navigator to Columbus on his first voyage, and the black colonists who helped Nicolas de Ovando form the first Spanish settlement on Hispaniola in 1502. Nuflo de Olano was a black slave present when Vasco Nunez de Balboa sighted the Pacific Ocean in 1513. Other slaves served with Hernan Cortez when he conquered Mexico and with Francisco Pizarro when he marched into Peru. Estebanico, a survivor of Panfilo de Narvaez’s unfortunate expedition to Florida in 1527 was black and spent 8 years (with three companions) traveling overland to Mexico City, learning several Indian languages during his sojourn. He lost his life in a dispute with the Zuni Indians. Juan Valiente led Spaniards in battles against the Araucanian Indians of Chile between 1540 and 1546. Although a slave, Valiente was rewarded with an estate near Santiago and control of several Indian villages. Between 1502 and 1518, Spain shipped out hundreds of Spanish-born Africans (Ladinos) to work as laborers, especially in mines. Opponents of their virtual enslavement cited their weak Christian faith while proponents declared the rapid diminution of the Indian population warranted a consistent supply of reliable workhands. Truly, free Spaniards were too reluctant to do manual labor (especially after the discovery of gold on the mainland) and only slave labor was able to assure the economic viability of the colonies. By 1518, demand for slaves in the Spanish New World implored Charles V (Charles I of Spain known as Holy Roman Emperor) to sanction the direct transport of slaves from Africa to the American colonies. The Slave Trade was controlled by the Crown which sold the right to import slaves (asiento) to entrepreneurs.

By 1530, the Portuguese used African slaves in Brasil. Until the abolition in 1870, 10,000,000 Africans were forcibly brought to the Americas (47% Caribbean and Guianas; 38% Brasil, 6% mainland Spanish America, 4.5% North America and Europe each). The greatest proportion worked on plantations producing sugar, coffee, cotton, tobacco and rice in the tropical lowlands of northeastern Brasil and the Caribbean islands. While most came from subsaharan West and central Africa, this soon extended to southern and East Africa. Slavery in the Americas was generally harsh, but is Black History Month still relevant?

Reply All

The computer “send” button is, like death and taxes, frighteningly conclusive? Eric Govan, late of the Golden State Warriors’ media relations staff, is having a hard time when, on Wednesday he experienced the ultimate “Oh, shit” moment (which would be 1 ohnosecond) when he mistakenly sent out a racially insensitive email to the Warriors’ entire media distribution list. The email, titled “Ghetto Prom,” featured 17 photos of scantily clad high schoolers in prom dresses, many of them African-American, complete with unflattering commentary. As we are not exactly on the Warriors’ media list, we didn’t receive one — but dozens of newspapers and television and radio stations did. It appears to have just been your basic email forward; someone has compiled the photos from the email. Govan, who says that the email was supposed to go only to his wife (makes you wonder what else they do for fun over at the house), realized his mistake moments after sending the email. So he quickly sent out this follow-up apology: “You just received a previous forwarded e-mail titled ‘Ghetto Prom’ that was sent accidentally. I assure you that this is totally out of character for myself and want to apologize to anyone who might be offended. My sincere apologies. This won’t happen again and shouldn’t have happened this time.” So much for a PR executive when Correta Scott King has just died and Black History Month has begun.

On Wednesday night the Warriors fired him. Obviously.

Post Game

AMERICAN HOME HEALTH A commercial evocative of the 1995 film “Safe” presented the P.S. line of cleaners and hand washes made by American Home Health as the alternative to wearing hazmat suits in public. Creepy but clever. Agency: the Ronin Advertising Group.

AMERICAN HONDA MOTOR The Ridgeline truck sold by American Honda Motor played Cupid to two cartoon characters usually found on mud flaps. A delightful spot that mashed up Looney Tunes and the Pep Boys. Agency: RPA.

BUD LIGHT Commercials for the Bud Light beer brand sold by Anheuser-Busch were centered on sight gags that ranged from slight to superb. The weakest reprised a tired tale of two friends confronted by an angry bear. The standout showed a “magic fridge” inspiring an urban cargo cult. Agency: the Chicago office of DDB Worldwide, part of the Omnicom Group.

BUDWEISER Never mind stupid tricks, pet or human. The performers in three commercials for Budweiser beer, also sold by Anheuser-Busch, were smarter than the average Letterman guest. The best spot asked this offbeat question: What do you call a shorn sheep that disrupts a football game played by the Bud Clydesdales? Why, a streaker, of course. Agency: DDB Chicago.

BURGER KING The Burger King Corporation offered a twisted, over-the-top tribute to Busby Berkeley, the movie musical maven, by way of “Springtime for Hitler” from “The Producers.” The hilarious spot presented chorus girls dressed as Whopper ingredients, piling atop each other to simulate the making of a sandwich. Let’s hope there is a sequel next year honoring Berkeley’s big number from “Dames,” retitled “I Only Have Fries for You.” Agency: Crispin Porter & Bogusky, part of MDC Partners.

CAREERBUILDER The chimpanzees that were so (inexplicably) popular in spots last year for the job-search Web site CareerBuilder, owned by a consortium of publishers that includes the Tribune Company, returned in two commercials, much to the dismay of animal-rights activists and many viewers with I.Q.’s in the three digits. But in the end, it is difficult to hate party animals when they are actually animals. Agency: Cramer-Krasselt.

FEDEX A far-out spot for FedEx, giving a goofy glimpse at the dangerous life of prehistoric man, was among the funniest in the game. But fans of the current crop of Geico cave-man commercials, Monty Python or the 1981 movie “Caveman” may cry copycat. Agency: the New York office of BBDO Worldwide, a unit of Omnicom.

GODADDY A risqué commercial in the game last year for GoDaddy, the Web site registrar, worked because it used the stereotype of a buxom babe to mock the hypocrisy of the hysteria over Ms. Jackson’s halftime performance. But the spot this year brought back the babe without that higher purpose. As a result, it seemed trite and sexist. Agency: in-house.

MASTERCARD Another sign that the phrase “witty Super Bowl spot” may no longer be oxymoronic came in a commercial for MasterCard, which simultaneously celebrated and sent up the TV series “MacGyver.” The star, Richard Dean Anderson, returned to parody how he used random items to help save the world. Among his purchases: an air freshener, tweezers, nasal spray and a turkey baster. Agency: McCann Erickson Worldwide, part of the Interpublic Group of Companies.

NATIONWIDE The spot seemed to be selling “Shampoo di Italia,” endorsed by the model Fabio, but the “aha!” moment revealed the pitch to be for retirement planning. Agency: TM Advertising, part of Interpublic.

PEPSICO Two commercials for Diet Pepsi, sold by the Pepsi-Cola division of PepsiCo, followed the company’s Super Bowl ad playbook so closely that watching them seemed, to quote a former Pepsi-Cola spokesman, like déjà vu all over again. Celebrities? Check. Music? Check. Frantic pacing? You bet. Knocking Coke? Uh-huh. Still, there were some cute touches, like a rap-music spoof that renamed the brand “D. Pepsi.” Agency: DDB New York.

PROCTER & GAMBLE The creation of the new Gillette Fusion razor, sold by Procter & Gamble, was compared to the effort of master fusion, the process that powers the sun. Really. No kidding. This smug, self-important spot may be the most bombastic since a campaign that peddled the 1957 Mercury as “dynamite from Detroit!” Agency: BBDO New York.

Souper Bowl

Pub grub of course. I’m thinking chips, dips, pizza and chilli, but surely also some wine.

Champagne goes with anything but especially salty greasy potato crisps.

• Korbel Champagne Brut $10
• Beringer Sparkling White Zinfandel $10
• Jacob’s Creek Sparkling Rosé $12
• Chandon Extra Dry Riche $12
• Blanquette de Limoux Cuvee Jean Philippe 2002 $13
• Moscato d’Asti Bruno Ceretto $16
• Billecart-Salmon Brut Réserve $16
• Domaine Carneros Brut Carneros $25
• Montaudon Brut NV $30
• Laurent Perrier Champagne Brut $31
• Charles Heidsieck NV Brut Reserve $40
• Gosset NV Brut Excellence $40
• Moet & Chandon NV Brut Imperial $40
• Pommery Champagne $35
• Ployez-Jacquemart Brut Blanc de Blancs 1996 $60
• Piper Heidsieck 1995 Brut Vintage $61
• Veuve Clicquot NV Brut Yellow Label $68
• Laurent Perrier NV Grand Siecle La Cuvee $70
• Jacquesson Extra Brut Champagne $99
• Bollinger Grande Annee 1996 $99
• Moet & Chandon, Dom Perignon 1996 $110
• Taittinger 1995 Comtes de Champagne Blanc de Blanc $130
• Krug NV Grande Cuvee Brut $150
• Deutz 1990 Cuvee William Brut $215

Chardonnay with nacho chips and a fiery salsa:

• 2002 Carmel Road Arroyo Seco Chardonnay ($35)
• 2004 Five Rivers Monterey County Chardonnay ($10)
• 2004 Jekel Vineyards Gravelstone Monterey County Chardonnay ($12)
• 2004 Kali Hart Monterey County Chardonnay ($14)
• 2004 Morgan Monterey Chardonnay ($20)
• 2004 Morgan Double L Vineyard Santa Lucia Highlands Chardonnay ($35)
• 2004 Testarossa Rosella’s Vineyard Santa Lucia Highlands Chardonnay ($39)

Shiraz with tortilla crisps and cheesy dip:

• Jacob’s Creek Shiraz 2003 (Australia) $8
• Yalumba “Y” Series Shiraz 2003 (Australia) $10

Fruity Merlot (or citrus-flavored Sauv blanc) with vegetable crudites and creamy dip. Reisling with hot spicy appetizers. Light Pinot Noir with meaty dishes.

I watch the Super Bowl for ranking the ads. Go ahead, laugh it up.

Q1:

• Bud Light/Office – meh
• BK Whoperette – did anyone tell them gays don’t watch the game?
• Sierra Mist Airport – Kathy Griffin
• Bud Light/Man Kitchen – meh
• Warner Bros/16 Blocks – seizure inducing
• Toyota Camry – bilingual ad. huh?
• FedEx Caveman – King Kong outtake
• Bud Light/Camping – “not cool”
• Warner Bros/V for Vendetta – no idea
• Diet Pepsi/Brown & Bubbly – what is the appeal of Diddy?
• Aleve/Leonard Nimoy – oh sweet lord
• Ameriquest/Hospital – loved it
• Bud Light/Roof Grill – nice
• Diet Pepsi/Jackie Chan – again with the appeal question
• Disney/Cars – meh
• Budweiser/Streaker – LOL

Q2

• ESPN Mobile – meh
• Careerbuilders/Monkey – so played
• Cadillac/Runway – hotttt
• Dove/Girls – shoot me now
• Disney/Shaggy Dog – must miss
• Ford/Kermit – THIS is their best shot?
• Michelob/Tackle – LOL
• godaddy.com – no idea what this means
• Warner Bros/Poseidon – is it no longer an adventure?
• Gillette Fusion – yep, we need the extra blade but what has been fused?
• Overstock/Shopping – because women are also watching the game
• Disney/Disney – this is so easy
• Sprint/Locker Room – crime deterrent: loved it
• United/Knight – Rhapsody in Blue essence and illustration, a winner
• Disney/NFL – meh
• Ameriquest/Flight – LOL

Q3

• Motorola/Pebbles – I want that phone. So this would be the best ad!
• Sharpie/Pirate – meh
• Budweiser/Barn – awwwwww
• Nationwide/Fabio – nice twist
• H3/Little Monster – good bass
• PS/Green Suits – nicely done
• Careerbuilder/Donkey – enough
• SlimFast/Dancing – no
• Magnolia/World’s Fastest Indian – that was Anthony Hopkins?
• Toyota/Ocean – nice!
• Sprint/Ringtones – geeky but how did the couch catch fire?
• Degree/Stunt City – and it had its own warning
• Emerald Nuts – enough
• Fidelity/Paul – he should eat those nuts
• Budweiser/Wave – brilliant especially the ahhhhhhhh

Q4

• Disney/Pirates II – for the kids
• MasterCard/McGyver – for the seniors
• ESPN Mobile/Sports – for those watching the game
• Honda/Yosemite – the most risque ad IMHO
• Beer Institute – very UN
• NLC/Running Scared – no idea what it’s about
• Outback/Boomerang – meh

Hit the quarters to see what you missed when you were in the toilet. Of course you really are reading this to see the ads that were censored for the American audience. Enjoy.

American Life

What is with celebrities soliciting cops in Hollywood?
Shamed director Lee Tamahori faces fresh humiliation as new revelations of his kinky double life emerge. The Once Were Warriors filmmaker was last night lying low in the wake of embarrassing allegations that he was caught dressed in drag trying to sell himself for sex to an undercover cop in Los Angeles. Now sources close to the 55-year-old New Zealand-born Tamahori say he is known to enjoy wearing latex and heading to fetish clubs with his girlfriend. They say the star also enjoys dressing up in uniforms. Charges were laid against Tamahori in Los Angeles last month after police say he donned a black wig and a revealing, off-the-shoulder dress to approach an undercover officer with offers of performing a sex act for money, but the story has only just emerged. “No one was surprised when Lee was arrested for a sex offence,” a Los Angeles friend of Tamahori said. “He’s always been kinky in his private life, but the transexual thing was a shock. He’s never shown any interest in men sexually. “In fact, there is a lot of amusement at the whole incident. During the filming of the last Bond movie Die Another Day, in London, Lee used to dress up in latex and go to fetish clubs with his girlfriend, Sasha Turjak. “He was a regular on the scene and it was an open secret. “He definitely liked the alternative side of sex with black, tight latex costumes, uniforms and so on. “One night in Prague during the filming of Bond, Sasha was openly kissing Halle Berry’s stand-in at the bar and after a while the three of them disappeared upstairs to his hotel room. “But the amazing thing is he is a really professional director and his fetishes never spilled into work. He is the consummate professional and very well-respected in Hollywood. “Everyone knows his sexual likings and no one really minds because he is such a great guy.” A woman at the home listed under Tamahori’s name in Los Angeles – believed to be his ex-wife – yesterday reacted furiously as she was approached about the scandal. She refused to speak of the incident and slammed her door shut. Further approaches later in the day were ignored. A next-door neighbour, who asked not to be named, said that the couple had split but remained close friends. “I could not imagine him doing something like that,” the shocked neighbour said of the alleged incident. “I see him here often and he is very nice.”

The incident allegedly occurred when Tamahori approached an officer in a car near Los Angeles’s infamous Santa Monica Boulevard vice area on January 8. The director got into the policeman’s vehicle and offered to perform a sex act for cash, said Frank Mateljan of the Los Angeles City Attorney’s Office. Mr Mateljan said police were running a prostitution sting when Tamahori was caught. The incident occurred close to where actor Hugh Grant was arrested with prostitute Devine Brown in 1995. “It is not like we go out with the intention of targeting stars,” a police spokesman said. “In fact, the arresting officer had no idea who Mr Tamahori was – especially with him being dressed up as a woman.” Tamahori faced charges of soliciting and agreeing to engage in an act of prostitution when he appeared in court on Thursday. The appearance was scheduled to be his arraignment but the date has now been postponed until February 24. He has been freed on $2000 bail. Tamahori’s lawyer refused to comment. The director’s career started with the critically acclaimed film Once Were Warriors in 1994. In words that will now come back and haunt him, he once said: “Sex should not be in the movies and should be in the home, and violence should be in the movies and not in the home.” He faces up to six months in jail and a $US1000 fine if he is convicted of both charges against him.

LIFE AND CLIMBS

• Born: 1950, Wellington, New Zealand.
• 1994: Made his breakthrough film, Once Were Warriors, dealing with domestic and gang violence in New Zealand’s Maori community.
• 1996: Moved to the US where he launched his American filmmaking career with the thriller Mulholland Falls, starring Nick Nolte and Melanie Griffith.
• 2001: Made the thriller Along Came A Spider with Morgan Freeman.
• 2002: Directed the James Bond blockbuster Die Another Day.
• 2005: Made xXx: State Of The Union and is signed to make features Next and The Guide.

Cartooned Network

Who knew cartoons could cause so much fun?
I only saw the drawings this morning. Perhaps I do not understand Danish humor and only one (the prophet’s turban is a bomb) seems to have any meaning to me but even that is ambivalent (is terrorism using the cloak of Islam or is the propheet himself terrorising us?) Cartoonists should be free to depict anything but any image is worth a thousand words and is open to interpretations that the cartoonist might not even have thought of at the time of illustration. There was significant flak after The Satanic Verses so this is not entirely unforeseen. Of course, the next generation will be cartoons about the violence iterated by European Islamic fundamentlists.
While insular American leftists shudder from occasional apoplectic paroxysms over Hitlerian jac-booted thugs removing t-shirts from the Capitol on Tuesday night, the rest of the living dead look east as a core foundation of liberal democracy is attacked by Islamic nation states and the real specter of fasciscm. Islamic governments and culture ast large reacted with characteristic excitement, attaching embassies, threatening to kidnap and execute foreigners, demanding apologies and groveling from European governments, and generally being their peaceful selves. Egypt dispensed with formality altogether and called for a unified Muslim stance in protest.

Week in Wine

Argentine Malbec
2004 Altos Las Hormigas Mendoza Malbec ($11)
2002 Catena Zapata Catena Alta Angelica Vineyard Mendoza Malbec ($45)
2004 Dominio del Plata BenMarco Mendoza Malbec ($20)
2003 Familia Rutini Felipe Rutini La Consulta Mendoza Malbec ($18)
2004 Familia Zuccardi Santa Julia Reserva Malbec ($11)
2003 Joffre Mendoza Malbec ($21)
2004 La Posta del Vinatero Pizzella Vineyard Mendoza Malbec ($17)
2003 Salentein Valle de Uco Malbec ($18)
2003 Tempus Alba Preludio Mendoza Malbec ($22)
2004 Tikal Amorio Altos de Mendoza Malbec ($31)
2003 Valentin Bianchi Particular San Rafael Malbec ($30)
2004 Vina Cobos El Felino Mendoza Malbec ($25)

Ground Hog

Back in the Bay area, it is still unseasonably cold. Punxsutawney Phil’s forecast was read at sunrise at Gobbler’s Knob today:

It is said that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Around the country there are many imitators of me.
In Harrisburg, there is Gus who appears on TV working for the lottery.
Then all around town
Cute groundhog statues abound.
They all look like me, I found.
Today on the Knob as I’m doing my job,
I don’t like this likeness of me.
It’s my shadow I see.
Six more weeks of mild winter there will be.